Join me’ she says, ‘Share 5 things you’re proud of’…ugh, my heart sinks quicker than a stone dropped into a pond…
Does Rhea Freeman not know that I am British? That I was raised to never boast, that ‘pride comes before a fall’ and every other little gremlin whisper that over the 50 odd years I have been hanging around and making a noise on this earth, have always kept me quite quiet about what I’ve achieved. If someone notices something or comments on something I’ve done, invariably a self-deprecating comment will drop from my lips before I have even processed that they are being complimentary. I have emerged from the shadows occasionally, but am much more comfortable behind the scenes.
My head does a lot of running around and I decide that I might pass on this one, but as the day goes on I see more and more people starting the challenge and the dawning realisation starts to sink in that I need to do this. More stones drop into the pond…
OK, here we go, I draw myself up to my full 5 foot 1 and three-quarters, and start to try and think of things I’m proud of – nope there’s nothing…Oh well, I tried, I don’t think I have anything to write about, probably best I sit this one out…
I pace around the room, I tell myself that I need to think of something, there must be something I can write about. I drink coffee, I eat cake, a few ideas drop into my head, I discount them – “that was a team thing, I can’t say that was me”, I’m not sure that fits the bill”, “well that’s a personal thing I’m proud of, is that OK to put down?”
By the time my brain has finished churning, I have convinced myself yet again that I have nothing to say.
I try another tack, what would I tell someone else who was thinking about this like I am at the moment, I know that I would tell them, nicely, but firmly, that they are bound to have achieved an awful lot this year – they’re just not recognising it as an achievement and therefore it doesn’t fall into the ‘something to be proud of’ category.
As always, whenever I move a problem away from my own personal orbit, the penny starts dropping into place. This is the point that Rhea is trying to make, we don’t celebrate our own successes, we often celebrate other people’s – we are delighted for them, but we rarely look at our own achievements and recognise that we have done well.
The gremlins well and truly slapped, I take off my blinkers and sit quietly for a while, going over the past year in my head – it’s been a big one, I’ve achieved a lot – in some cases, more than I ever thought I was capable of doing, yet my programming, my need not to be full of pride was going to let me slide into next year without celebrating the wins. That needs to change and I am really grateful to Rhea for making me aware of it – not only in terms of looking back, but also for going forward. I have achieved a lot, I’ve made mistakes too but have always tried my best to learn from them…see there I go again – acknowledging a win and immediately slipping in the downsides to balance it. This is tricky, it feels icky – but I know that’s just me and my conditioning and I need to get past it.
Right, so now I have 5 posts to write – I’m going to commit to the topics here and you can follow on my instagram feed for the posts each day.
Day 1 Comfort Zone Getting over myself
Day 2 Hiho Hatching and Collaboration
Day 3 Dimpsey Gains and Groundwork
Day 4 Blackdown Going Fishing
Day 5 Personal Keeping my little world turning
I’m looking forward to reading all of your posts – #5thingsimproudof here we come…